Tag Archives: self-deceit

Self-Deceit: Falling for an Illusion

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“No, I’m not a coward. Come on man, that talk just isn’t cool. Lighten up a bit will ya? Come on, look at this illusion instead.”

Hey guys, I’ve been meaning to make a post on Self-Deceit for a while now. Addressing this aspect of one’s self is so crucial to seeing the things inside one’s self clearly.

Oftentimes, when looking inside one’s self, you can see a lot of embarrassing things. Cowardice, fear, insecurities, anger, superiority, pride and cruelty. Self-deceit doesn’t want you to see these things.

You see, he can team up with Deceit to try and make your life as easy as possible. Deceit wants to plan out life so it’s easy, and Self-Deceit fools you into thinking it is. After all, if every time you look for your inner demons you see nothing “bad”, you’ll quit worrying about it and believe you’re awesome instead!

Like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYws8biwOYc

That’s how that part of you talks (you normally experience it as thinking). To him, criticism is “uncool”, and it would rather live in a world full of people who don’t question him than ever consider his own cowardice. And that’s what he is, when you come down to it.

A coward.

So where is this guy in you? Any time you insist that you are a particular way you like, and deny that you are bad in any way, with thoughts like “I’m pretty darn cool.”, “Wow I’m smart, yeah!”, “No no I’m not a coward.”, or “I’m Innocent, seriously!”, this is the indication of self-deceit trying to have power over you, and trick you.

And maybe you’re not cowardly (most of the time). But why insist on it? Why make a big deal to yourself about how you are a particular way? You could just act with courage, and leave it at that.

Self-deceit just doesn’t want you to see your own inner world, your difficulties, your flaws, all the embarrassing stuff about yourself. Can you see why this is a problem? No matter how awesome you feel, issues are left unsolved. You remain a mystery to yourself. Your pain and depression and frustration continue.

So how did I get past this guy? Three things:

  1. The Inner Victim – the part of one’s self who feels helpless and weak, who worries and tries to grasp on to solutions – this part of myself came to the point where lies were hurting her so badly that she desperately wanted the truth. She realized that the truth would be the only thing that would empower her to make decisions that would really help her. Otherwise she was at the whims of the lies of my Deceiver and Self-Deceiver. She no longer wanted things to be nice, or cool or awesome. She wanted to see the bad and face it down, and find real solutions, no matter what she found on the way to them. She didn’t want to be fooled.
  2. I challenged Self-Deceit’s notion that it’s awesome to fool one’s self. I gave him the idea that it was more awesome to be able to stand tall in the face of all the darkness inside one’s self. He bought into this for a second, but his fear got the better of him. That’s when I realized he was a true coward.
  3. See those star glasses he’s wearing in the picture above? I imagined taking them off. I ripped off his mask. And underneath, I saw a scared, insecure, quivering child. “No… my precious coolness…” he said, “Damn it… give [the glasses] back… I don’t want to see… that I’m insecure…”

After that, his game was up. He stopped trying to deceive me, because he was forced to see how uncool he really was. Yeah it can be uncomfortable, but ultimately it’s what we need to be healthy, to know what goes on inside ourselves without the interference of our imaginations.

That’s how he gets you, by the way, Self-Deceit has the power to create illusions with your imagination. You can imagine anything – it can be the exact opposite of what’s actually inside you. How do you know the difference? You could always get lost in a world of illusions created by Self-Deceit to distract you from your desire to see the truth. We could avoid the guilt, the pain, the embarrassment for our entire lives. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, but we’ve covered it over with our own unwillingness to see our flaws. Our own fear.

In the mean time, we can’t pursue the truth, self-improvement, or healing consciously.

So, knowing this – is that how any of us truly wants to live? If you could see what Self-Deceit can do to you, I’d bet not. So call this guy out! Oh and good luck finding him, too – he probably doesn’t want you to. But I think you’ll know him when you find him.

For more help on the dynamic involving the Deceiver, the Inner Victim, Self-Deceit, and the Good-Hearted Theorist, check out these previous blog posts:

Overview: Self-Deceit and Manipulation

Overcoming Self-Deceit, continued

The Inner Deceiver’s Return

(Note: I call it Self-Deceit here, but there’s a difference between the Self-Deceiver and the Deceiver. The Deceiver wants an easy life through lying to others. The Self-Deceiver wants to run away from the truth of himself. But it’s a pack of lies regardless.)

The Inner Deceiver’s Return

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It seems I lied – I didn’t stop my self-deceiver. He came back, and wanted to stop me from moving forward. Started throwing a fit about the fact that he didn’t want his plans to fail, and that those who failed to enact his plans for him should suffer as a result. Perhaps this is the reason behind a fear of failure…

The main thing that stopped him was surprisingly the fact that he didn’t want to be used as a tool, and yet he was using others as a tool (like the hands, brain, body, etc.) to achieve whatever end he decided on. That was his MO. But when I pointed out to him that others, because he was so effective, probably saw him as a tool, he stood down. It was true, after all, he was prone to being used as a tool because he didn’t care if there were any bonds of friendship – he just wanted to get the job done. And in the end this made me a more fit master for myself than him, not because I was more effective, but because I was, in this instance, treating those not in an authority position in my consciousness as I would want to be treated. A.k.a. “Be kind to yourself”. Maybe this is why the Golden Rule has been considered so important? I don’t know.

Furthermore, when this smart but unwise fellow inside me WAS treated kindly, it seems that, because he only pretended to be nice, that kindness never got to him. Everything was still a game to him, and if he dropped his cover, why of course no one would treat him kindly. But you see he wanted to be treated with respect for who he really was, his true talents and wishes, no matter how demonic he seemed. It was more touching a realization than I thought it could be.

Stepping out of the inner world for a moment, I think what this means for life is that not only is it important to consider how you would want to be treated, but that in order to know if someone feels kindness towards you, in order to open the possibility of true friendship, you need to be honest about yourself and your motives and insecurities. And while you’re at it, accept that sometimes your plans fail. Don’t yell at the world for it, or your body, or mind, or whatever – don’t be harsh with it for not giving you what you want. It was as it is, body, mind, or world. And as far as your self goes, at least it cooperated to some extent. And if it didn’t, maybe you had unrealistic expectations in the first place. Like, what if you wanted your body to fly without the aid of any mechanical means. No matter how bad you wanted it, it’s just not equipped to handle that request. So be fair with yourself – you may not know yourself well enough to know beforehand how everything will work out. Just handle the responses you get from your body as you would a friend. “Ok, you can’t fly. Boring, but fine. I’ll think up something else – any ideas?” Something like that. Just think about your stomach – if you refused to eat you soon wouldn’t be in a position to refuse anything anymore, you’d be dead. And you certainly know when the stomach is speaking to you. So everything works together, and you, the authority, are, in my opinion, most effective when you’re a friend to all within. You might find yourself being friendly towards all outside yourself as well. : )

Overcoming Self-Deceit, continued

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So, I said I was going to talk about overcoming self-deceit, but rather than go through the whole story, I’m going to boil it down. What did I learn at the end of this, exactly?

  1. If you desire to escape your problems, you become prone to easy solutions – anything you can grasp on to to get out of it. Instead, you must ask questions, and be part of the solution of those problems, especially those involving your own happiness.
  2. It is extremely dangerous to your spirit to be dishonest if that dishonesty is for the purpose of changing your life situation to be more comfortable. The reason for this is that you place the solution to your problems in the hands of other people (or perhaps the weather) – you are running away from your own power and ability to solve problems.
  3. Not only CAN you face the truth of your own difficulties, but it is the only way to solve them. If you feel bad, rather than distracting yourself with games or food, try to turn your awareness to the nature of the issue. No matter how many dark things lurk inside you, you CAN stand strong in front of them. You are more than a match for what life throws at you.
  4. When you are feeling down, or distressed, treat yourself like a flower who needs water, rather than a nasty bug who needs to change and solve its problems asap so you can go back to feeling “good”. However you feel is how you feel! It’s an expression of your needs.
  5. If you merely act like you care about yourself, you will end up killing your happiness. The reason is because you may see caring about yourself as part of a solution to a problem that bothers you. But caring isn’t a goal-oriented task, it’s something very spontaneous and natural. Given this, you may want to care about yourself only enough so that you can persist towards a comfortable life you want, a future you think will be without a lot of pesky problems. Perhaps a comfortable job, a family so you don’t look too out of place, and such other plans. But what makes you happy is so much more grand than all of that! Yeah, you need courage to bring true happiness into your life, but the alternative is to let a demon who’s only interested in maintaining a small miserable bubble of a life have control over you. Happiness, to it, seems like such a bother – and it will tell you all sorts of reasons why it’s out of reach. This is more manipulation. That brings me to:
  6. To truly break free from the self-deceit – from the lies you tell yourself, from the misery that you invite because of it – you must see the effect it has on you. You must lay your intentions bare before you, and see that if you continue down this road, you will be ruled by a force that treats you like a pawn in its game of finding an escape from difficulty. In other words, you must face the truth. The truth of how you treat yourself – only then will you care enough to break free from this, and you will see how valuable conflict can be, and that your problems are there to point you towards a brighter future.
  7. After all this is done, you may find yourself less distressed at the problems you have, or at least willing to ask questions towards a real solution. You might start asking a lot more questions in general! Because you no longer wish for something you already have in mind – what you want is the truth, when the truth is yet unknown. Only in that vast unknown do the answers to our problems truly lie.

And this was supposed to be “boiled down”? Hot damn. Well, I hope, for those of you who took the time to read it, you took something away. Bye for now : )

Overview: Self-Deceit and Manipulation

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So I wanted to talk about my recent findings in my inner work.

The main dynamic I want to talk about is the inner victim mentality and how it can be taken advantage of by one particularly nasty demon who has no problem manipulating and deceiving others (or in this case, yourself) if it means he gets his way. Trust is valuable tool to him, after all.

Basically, you have a spirit inside of you who can get very distressed about things that go on with her. I’m sure you’ve experienced when you’ve had a problem, and called someone up and started to tell them about your problems, wondering “What should I do?”

On an inner level, this spirit is part of your decision-making process. For me, my hands would and still do get cold frequently, and in response I would get distressed and ask myself “What do I do???” The reply that I identified told me what to do: “Sit down and be relaxed. Breathe better. Go solve your problems.” But the thing was he had a very demanding tone.

My inner victim (I don’t know what else to call her), would be quick to latch on to any advice given by this guy, because it was to “help” her – but she didn’t make a habit of questioning it. I mean, why would she? She wanted to stop her hands from being cold!

On the other hand, I have inside of me a guy who cared about her, but whose knowledge was limited. This guy would come and try to cheer her up with his various theories about inner exploration, and all the wonderful things that might come her way – this would cheer her up.

So this is the basis of the dynamic I witnessed. A girl who gets upset and needs help, a rather stiff helper who gave her practical advice but didn’t seem to care, and an energetic guy who wanted her to feel better, happier. But in the mean time, whatever the underlying problem was never got solved – she still had cold hands, still got distressed about things, mixed with times of happiness and times of trying things that seemed practical, but weren’t what brought her happiness.

After I saw this, a lot of things happened – I’ll be talking about this over the next couple days. But if you’re interested in this and have any questions for me (I realize the way I talk about this can be confusing), please let me know.