Our intellects tend to demand a lot out of our natural selves. But we can listen to our natural selves more, too, as well as question the reasoning behind our intellect’s actions.
As we’ve seen before, there’s a difference between the way you actually are and the way you want to be. One of the most common ways that this affects our everyday lives is in the difference between our natural self and our intellect.
The natural self is like a big blob of feelings. It doesn’t speak to us in words (thoughts), but in a flow of feelings. When we’re operating purely from this side our selves, this is usually called “the flow”.
Our intellect on the other hand has many ideas about what we should or need to do, regardless of what our feelings say. It treats our natural selves kind of like a pet, who sometimes “needs its leash pulled”. Continue reading →
Like a Dark King, Dissatisfaction looks upon your life with disdain, each imperfection adding to his pain.
There is a part of one’s self who is dissatisfied with life not being completely blissful and peaceful all the time. Whenever you’re happy, it’s that little voice that pops up and says, “Yeah, but…”
Imagine this dissatisfied side of you as a distinct individual. What are they like? Having this individual in your head can be why it’s so hard to be thankful for anything, because this side of one’s self speaks up and adds in why we shouldn’t be thankful. To Dissatisfaction, nothing is ever good enough, except the goal.
Oftentimes in life, the way we find our goals is by criticizing every wrong move we make. We think, “well, if I can avoid doing it wrong, if I PUNISH myself for doing it wrong, then I’ll end up doing it right, eventually.” Yeah but, how does it feel?
Today, I figured out that the desire to become special by becoming something other than you are (for instance, more skilled at something), is based off of a feeling of rejection from those you considered your friends (perhaps internal friends). The whole notion that you need to be special to be accepted is wrong, because anyone who puts that kind of condition on friendship really isn’t your friend.
Yeah, it’s alright to become skilled at something, but it’s also alright to not be skilled at all. Once you know this, it becomes easier to be one of those weirdos who always does what they want. Don’t buy into the standards of others, their fault-finding and animosity, their egotism… it’s all just their own difficulty. But when it comes to the surface in the way someone treats you, know that it has nothing to do with you, and you do not need to prove to their standards that you are acceptable.
So if you feel anxiety over the fact that you can’t seem to get to the level of success, skill, fame, talent, wealth, goodness, beauty, WHATEVER of other people, question your need to GET to that level. Maybe it’s alright for you stay where you’re at, if you like it. Be weird, unskilled, dorky, emotional, quirky, imperfect. Maybe there’s no problem there after all.
Addition: (6/12/12)
This video was recently brought to my attention, and in it the speaker talks about the exact point that healed this part of myself – to really know that I am special, not because of some kind of achievement, but because everyone is special. At least, to their true friends. Those friends will always count you among the special, no matter what you do, and we never need to waste our time proving to those who aren’t our friends that we’re special, because their inability to recognize that is their problem.
Random thought: At any time all our hopes and carefully laid out plans for the future could come crashing down, and our refusal to accept that reality does not need to be foisted on others, because in times of trial, people NEED acceptance, rather than the temptation to ignore, escape, or refuse the reality around and within them.
What I mean is, when someone is going through something tough, if they have trouble accepting things, saying, “I can’t believe this happened…”, then rather than just agreeing with them it’s important to emphasize, when they’re ready, with kindness, that they will need to accept it in order to move forward. If they can’t, it’s important to ask why. Maybe they have a need that’s not being met anymore, and you can work with them at that point to help them meet that need in new ways, as life changes.
Just remember to be patient. Give people the time to let their fear of the new situation calm down. And most of all, make sure they know it’s ok to be afraid, it’s ok to feel lost. This is a sensitive time, and if they run away from their feelings, things will only get worse. With a space to heal and feel the feelings, the ones that are hard to take, they’ll get better.
And as with anything for others, you can give yourself this space to heal too.
