Category Archives: Insights

These are insights into life, gained from my inner processing, that might be useful for other people.

Fear List

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Since I found out a lack of calmness is usually due to fear, I set about today making a list of every fear-based thought that popped into my head, no matter how small. After maybe two hours or so I already have 32! Surprisingly I felt more calm just doing this, as it allowed me to get on paper things jumping around nervously inside my head. Sort of like a todo list. I don’t know how I’ll handle these yet, but I’m beginning to see some themes, such as fears about my character turning bad, about doing unnecessary things, about making mistakes that will come back to haunt me, about unknowns that could possibly cause me harm if I remain in the dark, about how much I really know vs. what I just think I know. These come out as silly things, like: “That I will get serious again.” or “That singing a song will get it stuck in my head.” or even one fear about how if not getting on a scary theme park ride in my dream last night will come back to haunt me. Just got one more – “Should I post this?” lol. “Is that really what I’m afraid of?” “If I post it now, will it be just for the sake of appearances?” 😐 “Am I missing anything?” Ok I think I’m good now. “Am I?”

Stress: A Disagreement with Peace

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How I represent the peaceful force inside myself – as a white bird

There’s part of you who’s always calm, relaxed, and cares about you. When you get anxious or worried, it’s probably because you’re disagreeing in some way with this relaxed self. “Yes, I do need to get worried! Look at all these things I’ve got to do, how could I be calm right now??? I’d get nothing done! Ugh! I don’t know if I’ll get them done… oh no…” It seems that whenever you do something out of fear you are disagreeing with the way the calm part of you handles things. After all, it’s fight or flight at that point, as opposed to calm. And it’s not bothered at all in respecting your wishes and standing aside, letting you get fearful and worried – that’s what someone who cares for you would do, after all. Still, I get the sense that if you work through your differences with this side of you, it would stay with you all the time – now wouldn’t that be awesome?

In Friendship, you are ALWAYS Special

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Today, I figured out that the desire to become special by becoming something other than you are (for instance, more skilled at something), is based off of a feeling of rejection from those you considered your friends (perhaps internal friends). The whole notion that you need to be special to be accepted is wrong, because anyone who puts that kind of condition on friendship really isn’t your friend.

Yeah, it’s alright to become skilled at something, but it’s also alright to not be skilled at all. Once you know this, it becomes easier to be one of those weirdos who always does what they want. Don’t buy into the standards of others, their fault-finding and animosity, their egotism… it’s all just their own difficulty. But when it comes to the surface in the way someone treats you, know that it has nothing to do with you, and you do not need to prove to their standards that you are acceptable.

So if you feel anxiety over the fact that you can’t seem to get to the level of success, skill, fame, talent, wealth, goodness, beauty, WHATEVER of other people, question your need to GET to that level. Maybe it’s alright for you stay where you’re at, if you like it. Be weird, unskilled, dorky, emotional, quirky, imperfect. Maybe there’s no problem there after all.

Addition: (6/12/12)

This video was recently brought to my attention, and in it the speaker talks about the exact point that healed this part of myself – to really know that I am special, not because of some kind of achievement, but because everyone is special. At least, to their true friends. Those friends will always count you among the special, no matter what you do, and we never need to waste our time proving to those who aren’t our friends that we’re special, because their inability to recognize that is their problem.

Outside Yourself is Inside your Self

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Whatever you are looking for outside yourself in another person or activity is also a part of you.

For example, if you’re looking for peace, there is a peaceful part of you. The problem is the part of you who’s looking for peace and the part who’s peaceful aren’t synced up – they have some disagreements that keep them from staying together. Work these out and you can have what you’re looking for. If you’re having trouble, just ask yourself “What is the peaceful (or any other) part of me doing right now?” and you’ll probably get a metaphoric image (in your imagination) showing you. Then try staging a conversation between the part of you who wants something and the part of you who IS that something. See what happens and try to work through it.

Helping others to Accept Tragedy and Loss

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Random thought: At any time all our hopes and carefully laid out plans for the future could come crashing down, and our refusal to accept that reality does not need to be foisted on others, because in times of trial, people NEED acceptance, rather than the temptation to ignore, escape, or refuse the reality around and within them.

What I mean is, when someone is going through something tough, if they have trouble accepting things, saying, “I can’t believe this happened…”, then rather than just agreeing with them it’s important to emphasize, when they’re ready, with kindness, that they will need to accept it in order to move forward. If they can’t, it’s important to ask why. Maybe they have a need that’s not being met anymore, and you can work with them at that point to help them meet that need in new ways, as life changes.

Just remember to be patient. Give people the time to let their fear of the new situation calm down. And most of all, make sure they know it’s ok to be afraid, it’s ok to feel lost. This is a sensitive time, and if they run away from their feelings, things will only get worse. With a space to heal and feel the feelings, the ones that are hard to take, they’ll get better.

And as with anything for others, you can give yourself this space to heal too.

Boredom

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Recent observation: boredom paradoxically comes from pushing yourself way too hard. You always want to get to the next thing and the next thing, and pretty soon you’re worn out, but resting seems wrong. So you stagnate, you keep pushing yourself but become unwilling to commit to any particular pathway because it will be too troublesome. I haven’t found a permanent solution yet, but taking a nap always seems to help.
Just what are we all trying to achieve with all that pushing?