When you identify with certain groups, ideologies, or activities, it seems to me that you bias yourself towards the viewpoints expressed by what you identify with. To consider other points of view becomes a danger to your identity, and so it becomes compulsion to shove it away from you – either overtly, or in subtle ways, like picking evidence that only supports the argument you identify with. However, this is only my strong suspicion…
EDIT: Why does this post include something about the “Emotional Vampire?”
There is a side of one’s self who wants to keep others close to it because of the benefits it gains. I call this The Emotional Vampire. Why? Because he wants to prey off of the joy of friendship, but complains with those others want to be free, and do their own thing.
After talking with this guy, I realized he acted this way because he himself had lost friends, and, not wanting to deal with that kind of pain anymore, he now did what he could to keep current friends close.
He only seems to come out when a friendship or relationship is in danger. It’s that grasping feeling, saying, “How dare they! I am their friend!” However, as you can see, the Emotional Vampire isn’t invested in what their friend wants.
The reason why, in the original post, I suggested this compulsion might have to do with abandoning yourself in times of pain is because when you lose a friend, it’s painful – and if you can’t be your own friend at those times, you might try to get other people to alleviate your pain for you. I have not proven or disproven this at this time.
All I can say it was extremely disturbing the first time I saw this in myself, because I want to be a good friend, and this side of myself is decidedly not.
Just be careful not to let this side of yourself be the dominating way you relate with other people, or those who wise up to it will flee from you. Instead, challenge your own neediness, and become a more true friend, one who can stand on his or her own, but enjoys giving and receiving nonetheless.
The funny thing about criticism is that it can be directed towards anything. At one moment, you can say something is good and in the next second argue why it is bad. Against the sword of criticism, anything can be good or bad, right or wrong, and it is often used to disprove someone who claims that something really is good or bad. At the same time as it laughs in the face of high-minded idealism, it cuts down the underpinnings of corruption. Perhaps all this is not for the sake of finding some one, easily defined truth, but to broaden people’s perspectives, to show that one greater truth is that there are multiple sides to any issue, unforeseen effects, uncertainties where you thought there was certainty.
However, criticism can be bypassed when an issue comes up that you feel is important enough to act on – when you don’t need to cast tons of doubt on it. When action is needed, rather than thought, and you’re willing to take the consequences on your own shoulders, criticism can do nothing besides inform your actions as they take place. For some things, it cannot stop you.
Furthermore, critics can fall into the trap of being insensitive and cruel. If they deliver their truth with no thought of how it will be received, it can cause a whole lot of distress if that person is not ready to receive critiques. At this point, the person being criticized can shut out all further input, despite the potential benefits.
It seems that conflict is necessary for peace. How does that make sense? Because with the willingness to engage in conflict you can face down those things within and without that disrupt peace. To not do so is to let yourself be enslaved and manipulated by these threats to peace, such as anger, hatred, and so on. All they have to argue is “you betta be peaceful!” and you’ll shut down? Arguing, conflicting with others is part of respecting yourself – as long as it’s not arbitrary, as long as you don’t intend to stir up unnecessary trouble. Conflict is best engaged in with the intent to resolve conflict that was already there – perhaps under the surface. It’s like potential energy in physics, like with a loaded spring. That spring wants to boing, don’t let it stew. Call out the anger and resentment and the desire to control hovering under the surface of those around you, and you’ll be respecting yourself and becoming more free.
That doesn’t mean you need to fear peace, either. Just stay in tune with your ability to sense that something’s wrong – like when you’re starting to feel annoyed inside. At that point, just try to get to the root of the conflict, by challenging whatever needs to be challenged, within or outside of you. The truth will come out in the conflict, and you might find in others, or yourself, false beliefs that you’ve been relying on, but which cause unnecessary conflict, destroying peace.