Author Archives: Oliver Kaufman

About Oliver Kaufman

Oliver Kaufman just is who he is. Like anybody, he's got a lot of stuff going on inside of him, and, having found a way to share it, created this website to share what he has found that brings value to his own life. He also likes to talk in third person and sound genial and relatable. He has a thing about not being defined by the groups he's been a part of, the schools he's attended, or the kind of people he hangs out with. That's not important to him. What he really likes is finding out stuff in life that is helpful to other people and himself, things that make life better, more enriched, more empowered - and without cheap tactics like fooling yourself into thinking life is better, or more enriched, or that one is empowered when they really aren't. He's not into that. He knows that some people put high standards on themselves and others, they hold up certain people as heroes and ideal people to be like. He doesn't like this. He thinks that everyone has stuff going on inside them, and that paying attention to how things are right now for each individual is what's important. Maybe he's wrong, but talking about all this in his biographical information sure makes him feel good. Also doubtful. He wonders if talking this way, when you the reader probably expected a long-winded list of past events, is off-putting to you. But, in the end, he has decided to just stick with what he likes, and that means sticking with exactly what he wrote. With that, he bids you farewell and hopes you enjoy this site. Thank you!

Insecurity Ailments Page

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Hi all! First update in a while, but wanted to let you know about the new article I just posted. It’s about insecurity as an inner ailment, and can be found here: https://www.theworldwithin.org/ailments/insecurity/

This is something that I have dealt with a lot in my own life, and am still learning more about. However, I’ve found enough to where I was able to put together something useful, that specifically goes into how owning your vulnerability can make a huge difference as far as bringing you out of an insecure state, and into one that’s more calm, self-assured, and open.

Take care,
-Oliver

How to Handle Anxiety as an Entrepreneur (external article)

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Hi all! Recently I had the opportunity to write a guest blog article on Jordan Ring’s website, where he has various articles all designed to inspire you to live your best life possible.

Click here for the article: http://www.jmring.com/how-to-handle-anxiety-as-an-entrepreneur-under-pressure/

My article focuses specifically on anxiety that may be experienced by someone forging ahead on an entrepreneurial lifestyle. A life where it’s easy to get caught up in success at all costs, and where balance, patience, self-care, and openness can all too easily take the back seat. So my article is about exploring the value in reducing your own anxiety as an entrepreneur (or as any driven individual), and sharing methods to help you do just that.

Enjoy!

You can read more about anxiety on my website here: https://www.theworldwithin.org/ailments/anxiety/

And you can learn more about Jordan and the work he does here: http://www.jmring.com/about-me/

Barriers to Feeling

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Opening our hearts to our feelings can bring contentment, fulfillment, peace, and flow

Let’s face it, as much as we might be able to admit the benefits that connecting with or facing one’s feelings brings, there are some serious barriers that can block us from those feelings.

For one, feelings are inconvenient. They tell us things that deviate from any plans we might set, any beliefs we might have, and may require time from us that we’re not ready to spend. They may completely call us to change our lives. And this change is for the better, mind you! But it’s still change.

Fear can also be a factor, and guilt, and various other things. Below I’ve compiled a list of major blockages to feelings that can stop one from really working and connecting with feelings. Continue reading →

Dependence and Independence

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Today, I’d like to talk about dependence and independence, what each of them is on the emotional level, and how one can become more independent.

Many times, when we talk about independence, it’s in reference to an interest in being able to do what we want to do. For instance, “financial independence” refers to being able to live without working. But for some, this still can mean dependence on financial independence, always living with the tension that one’s current stability might fall through, and fearing it, or otherwise letting that fear drive incessant action to control one’s financial stability, without having peace.

Indeed, the freedom to be where one desires isn’t necessarily freedom at all, since one can still feel dependent upon that desired circumstance remaining. And when one’s desire isn’t there, it can feel as though things aren’t right until it is. What people are talking about here is independence as freedom from circumstance. Yet, it’s still very much dependent upon the circumstance one wishes to escape to, and remain in.

So what is dependence? I posit the following definition:

A state of being that involves “looking to get to” a circumstance, such that one craves it, feels one needs it, feels things are wrong without it, or may fear its absence. It can involve impatience, fixation, imbalance, suffering, emotional pain, fear, panic, and anxiety. It can lead to escapism, negativity, and frustration.

And what about independence?

A state of being that involves openness to all circumstances, whatever the current circumstance happens to be. Involves flow, and a sense of detachment from circumstance and everything outside of one’s control, including direct control. Generally a positive, free, authentic, open state, devoid of shame and very fluid, not holding on to the things that come and go in reality.

Thus you can see the differences between the two. Yet, all too often, we can slip into feelings of dependence, however ideal independence might sound. Continue reading →

Social Interaction: Apologist vs Positive Strength

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Hi all – this is going to be a post about a pattern I’ve seen in social interaction – mainly the contrast between two different approaches. I’ll just call them “Apologist” and “Positive Strength”.

The General Features of Each

The first, Apologist, is marked by anxiety, fear, and not wanting to “bother” other people. There’s a sense of reduced value here, as if one’s contributions will detract from the other person’s experience, or at least be highly questionable or vulnerable to criticism and rejection. There’s a big sense of risk involved, but it’s seen as necessary in order to even have a chance at positive interaction.

The second, Positive Strength, is more grounded in a sense of one’s own value and personal goodness. You can approach the other person in good will because you know the value and goodness of your own intentions. There’s nothing to hide, and so there’s a sense of openness here, and that includes to however the other person might respond, even if that means rejection or criticism. One is far more likely to be concerned about the state of the other person, too, and wanting what’s best for them. With openness, there’s also more of a heartfelt sense of empathy, as well as acceptance of the other person. Sometimes, there’s a sense of courage and vulnerability here, in that you’re open to such criticism, but for the most part, there’s also a sense of ease – social interaction flows more naturally from this position, rather than operating in starts and stops as little anxious bumps are overcome. You both give and receive openly.

How Value plays a part

Value contributes here because if you don’t value what you’re putting forward, you’re going to feel more like that you’re looking for something to be given to you, without having anything to give of value of your own. Continue reading →

Update: Strengths and Tension Pages, Patreon

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Just wanted to give an update on some new content that you might not have noticed.

First off, I added a page entitled Strengths, and is available in the main menu. This page serves as a counter-point to the Ailments, and details various forces, states, and principles in the inner world that can give benefit, healing, and great value to a person on an inner and personal level. There’s a lot there, so check it out if you’d like! I may be adding sub-pages in the future, for the various strengths listed, but for now you can find a brief summary of each. I’ll add more in the future as I find or think of them.

Second, an Ailments page on Tension. Tension can be a pretty basic experience, but it can also get quite severe and widespread, and negatively affect one’s life. On this page I share some of my findings on it, mostly with respect to its connection to attachment, and underneath that, an resistance to vulnerability. Given these things, I give some steps on how to go about putting awareness on areas of tension and relaxing them, potentially through noticing, too, the attachments involved.

Lastly, I now have a Patreon page! If you’d like to support this website or any of the content therein, you can at: https://www.patreon.com/oliverk. Thanks!

That’s all for now! Enjoy the new content.

-Oliver

Writing for Emotional Healing and Personal Transformation

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As part of the online book tour I’m doing for my book, The Windless Echo – A Short Story Collection, I did a guest post over on the blog Mythical Books. It was on “Writing for Emotional Healing and Personal Transformation”.

It’s relevant to the topics here, so I thought I’d post it. If you want to check out the article, you can do so here: http://mythicalbooks.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-windless-echo-short-story.html

The article relates to the principles I talk about over on the Inner Storytelling page, but is geared specifically towards those who might be interested in writing, but might not have found a way it can be personal and impactful for them as a writer.