About Oliver Kaufman

Oliver Kaufman just is who he is. Like anybody, he's got a lot of stuff going on inside of him, and, having found a way to share it, created this website to share what he has found that brings value to his own life. He also likes to talk in third person and sound genial and relatable. He has a thing about not being defined by the groups he's been a part of, the schools he's attended, or the kind of people he hangs out with. That's not important to him. What he really likes is finding out stuff in life that is helpful to other people and himself, things that make life better, more enriched, more empowered - and without cheap tactics like fooling yourself into thinking life is better, or more enriched, or that one is empowered when they really aren't. He's not into that. He knows that some people put high standards on themselves and others, they hold up certain people as heroes and ideal people to be like. He doesn't like this. He thinks that everyone has stuff going on inside them, and that paying attention to how things are right now for each individual is what's important. Maybe he's wrong, but talking about all this in his biographical information sure makes him feel good. Also doubtful. He wonders if talking this way, when you the reader probably expected a long-winded list of past events, is off-putting to you. But, in the end, he has decided to just stick with what he likes, and that means sticking with exactly what he wrote. With that, he bids you farewell and hopes you enjoy this site. Thank you!

Meeting Paranoia

Paranoia, one of the Malcontents

Had a talk with another one of my malcontents today, who I call “paranoia”. Found out several things about this guy:

  1. His whole job, as he defines it, is to avoid death.
  2. Since there is no room for error in this job, he can get pretty stressed out.
  3. Also because of no room for error, he often extrapolates suspicions about what might possibly lead to death, and tries to make sure those paths are avoided. This can get pretty extreme, for example something like, “we’ve got to make sure we keep up good appearances to others so that we don’t get stigmatized and thus are more likely to fall into poverty and thus die early.”
  4. Ultimately, his purpose for starting this in the first place was to preserve life. By doing his job right, he can preserve the lives of those who enjoy life.
  5. By consequence, he is afraid of letting down those who enjoy life, for if they are ever endangered, he’s often the one to get the blame.

I finally got him to calm down a bit when I told him that if any of those he’s trying to protect ever did blame him, or ever did die – whatever might have happened is part of life – and he can rest in knowing that he did everything he knew to do possible. Anyone who still has a problem with this is being unfair to him. Maybe it’s a small change, but at least I got through to him. He was extremely paranoid, after all. And even if it’s a small voice within one’s self, that paranoia can make life pretty chaotic.

Stubborn Pride

One of the malcontents within myself, who I call “stubborn pride”, is, as you might expect, hard to change in a fundamental way, although he deeply considers everything that you might say when you reason with him. A few things are clear with this guy:

  1. His job is based on the fear of tragedies, so he does his best to create an
    Stubborn Pride, one of the Malcontents

    atmosphere of joy within

  2. He himself is not joyful, mostly because he doesn’t like his job. Who would like a job that’s totally based on fear?
  3. He’s unwilling to abandon his post, because he has seen the effect of tragedy first hand and wants to do what he can to prevent it.
  4. He doesn’t really enjoy that job because it’s hard to see the results, and any news (a potential or active danger) is bad news. In such a position, it’s easy to get grumpy.
  5. While he’s willing to consider new things (such as letting go of inhibitions, or emotional healing), if they don’t have a clear, practical benefit after being tested, he’ll shut it down.
  6. If you can help this part of yourself to see their reason for living as they are in the first place (the purpose behind their actions), then they will become much less grumpy, if not downright glad. For me, it was because this guy had seen tragedy, and seen how upset those who went through things could get – so he wanted to make the world better so he could help those he cared about to not experience that stuff as much.

However, it’s clear that this part of myself can be dangerous. If he is ever too short-sighted to see the effect of different actions, or if he misjudges certain situations, he could apply a backwards solution to the problem without really taking the time to investigate it. Fear does that – it incites quick reactions that may not be well-thought out, or even based in cowardice. If the fearless, emotionally vital parts of yourself, who bear the brunt of this kind of misjudgment, keep watch, it could reduce the number of damaging mistakes this malcontent can make. That’s what I decided to do – I will see if it works.

The Malcontents

Tonight was the second time I’ve come across a group within my consciousness that I can only describe as “the malcontents”. These parts of you are involved in high-level decision making processes and try to make sure the world stays in balance, even if their methods aren’t always fair. Some of this group I identified: stubborn pride, worry and doubt, suspicion, depression, paranoia, and annoyance. All of these guys constantly look for things that might cause bad things to happen within your consciousness, and direct an effort to keep things on the right track, according to them.

Trouble is, as much as they might want a happy, joyful, fulfilled inner world, they are not happy joyful or fulfilled themselves. In fact, they’d rather be doing something else! But nothing else within the consciousness seems to have the patience to constantly watch for threats (like egotism, hatred, “evil”, etc.), so they do it out of a sense of obligation. They simply do not know of anything else that would want to do this task, and who could do it well. Not to mention their suspiciousness stops others from trying to take over their job also.
However, it’s important to know that this setup can piss some other things in you off – these malcontents don’t always take the fair and just approach. After all, they’re doing this whole thing out of fear, basically – love is much too random, non-practical, and unknown – as much as they’d LIKE to use it.

Somehow I feel this powerful position needs to be given to someone who WANTS it, and whose primary motivation isn’t fear, but love instead. But, we shall see.

The Rage of Emotion Restricted by Fear

Restricting emotions and denying your feelings fills a very powerful spirit in you with rage. Ignored, this spirit will start creating nasty thoughts in your head to get your attention – look for the source of those thoughts to find this guy. If, when talking to him, you judge or condemn him because he’s so full of rage, then it will close up to you and stay hostile. If you are fair and look for WHY he’s acting like he is, you’ll see it’s because of injustice within yourself, and that this injustice has been going unchallenged and unrecognized – this probably has to do with why he was repressed and denied in the first place – it’s basically unjust imprisonment.

For me, mine was mad at some of the decision-makers, or rule-makers within my consciousness – they had chosen to imprison him out of fear that his power was not good for the kind of world these cowardly leaders wanted (within myself). He also noted that he relates best, in terms of fictional characters I’ve seen, to the Nine Tailed Fox in Naruto, although he wasn’t that either and didn’t like being described away like that – his spirit was too big and wild for that.

copyright Masashi Kishimoto

The Nine-tailed Fox, from Naruto

But anyway, as a precaution, I made sure to decide that I would not let any rageful thoughts of his direct my actions, but I would investigate what injustice and fearful restriction resided in me, so hopefully I could make my inner world a much more free, joyful place.

New Blog!

Today marks the beginning of my new blog, “The World Within” – welcome! I decided to start this site as a place to share the insights I learn from my inner exploration. Each of us has a whole world inside of us, and its dynamic affects us in every moment of every day. Having found some ways to explore this world, I learned that you can gain valuable insights into life and solve issues that would plague you otherwise, simply because you can’t always see an emotional issue from the perspective of the way we view the external world day-to-day. I used to only post these insights on Facebook, but after seeing how what I had to share was valuable, at least a little bit, to others, I decided to start this blog. I hope you enjoy your stay and gain wonderful insights into your own life, as well as tools for exploring the world within you.

Note: All posts older than this one were transferred from my Facebook wall.

Bias Arguments and Why We Like Them

As I mentioned before, I figured out that someone can argue for anything they want by highlighting certain aspects and ignoring others. Nothing is inherently good or bad – someone can argue as effectively either way. Just now I found out a fascinating implication that comes from this.

When creating an argument, you can select any evidence you want. Often, what we do is select evidence to craft the situation to look a certain way – the way we WANT IT to look. We ignore certain evidence outside of that sphere because it would damage the case we’re trying to make. But really, this just hides the underlying reasons for looking for one thing over another in the first place.

For instance, say you want to prove that Christianity is the best religion. Then you gather your evidence: “Jesus was such an amazing human being(/God), look at these great messages that are in the New Testament, there are many people who agree with me, Christians aren’t pushy about their religion and don’t go door to do like Jehova’s witness or Mormons, Chinese are Buddhists and Communists and everyone knows Communism is evil so Buddhism doesn’t work, Christians give such and such money to charities, they have great messages, etc.” You get the idea. You haven’t really looked at ALL the evidence, but you’ve found a sufficient number of items to surround your insistence that Christianity is the best religion and keep it alive. The question is why.

As soon as you delve into why, you can begin to get at the underlying issues causing you to create bias views in the first place, rather than look for the truth unhindered. So, taking the example above again, that person might have been told that Christianity didn’t have all the answers and actually did damage to the world, and, whether or not that was true, at the time they identified themselves as Christian, and the comment was taken as an attack on their identity. In defense, but scared to actually debate the truth of the issue, they surrounded themselves with arguments that favored their side. In essence: they were so afraid to let their identity be harmed, and so afraid to even consider that it COULD be harmed, that they surround the belief (that Christianity is the best) with a bunch of evidence that only supports their side.

Same is true when any argument is made – it’s why in debate teams it’s the norm to argue either side – that you choose what evidence to think about and use when arguing for something. Your reasons for choosing the evidence you do are important, and can tell you a lot about potential challenges that you can face more clearly, like fears that are so hidden you don’t even know about them. That doesn’t make facing the fears any easier, but it lets you see that they’re there so you can choose to face them if you want to.

This is also why it can be so hard to argue with people. They become so invested in being right that the given topic becomes about so much more than the truth. People can feel threatened if their beliefs are attacked because it means their fears, anger, sadness, and all that stuff they dont want to look at – can get exposed. They covered it over for a reason. We all do, even if we dont know it.

Bias and Identity

When you identify with certain groups, ideologies, or activities, it seems to me that you bias yourself towards the viewpoints expressed by what you identify with. To consider other points of view becomes a danger to your identity, and so it becomes compulsion to shove it away from you – either overtly, or in subtle ways, like picking evidence that only supports the argument you identify with. However, this is only my strong suspicion…